Changing, Life Design Coaching, Life Planning

What do your relationships tell you about yourself?

I remember when I first heard that the things you don’t like about other people are actually reflections of things about yourself.  Well, I certainly wasn’t willing to accept this.  There was no way that could be true, so for a long time I dismissed the idea completely.

Over the next few years I started to consciously change because I wasn’t happy with a lot of things in my life.  I began working on the things about myself that I didn’t 100% like and slowly but surely as I changed people started to slip out of my life.  Friends who I had believed would be friends for life, I fell out with or the relationship just faded away.

It took me a long time to understand why, I questioned myself and who I was and why they didn’t want to be my friend.  Then I realised we were no longer on the same page.  What had brought us together in the first place didn’t exist anymore.  We weren’t in harmony with each other and therefore we just weren’t able to stay in each other’s lives.

Looking back now I know that the only friendships that broke down were toxic and with people who were never really true friends. The ones that remained were real and honest and were with the people I could really count on.

This is when I realised that I had been wrong, the things I hadn’t liked about some people in my life where actually things I needed to work on in myself.  This isn’t a very nice lesson to go through but it is liberating when you come out the other side.  You also have to understand it doesn’t mean you are an awful person to have attracted these type of people it just means you may not have been in the happiest of places.

I had been surrounded by people who were selfish, lazy, belittling, demotivating, two faced, unsuccessful, unambitious, negative and unhappy.  These are the people who are no longer in my life.

I still come across people like this from time to time but overall I don’t attract these type of people into my life anymore.  There are still a couple of people with some of these traits around that I can’t just cut them out of my life due to different reasons (colleagues/family) but how I deal with this is by spending a lot less time around them.

Don’t misunderstand what I have just said not everyone was like that.  I was also surrounded by people who are still in my life who are happy, supportive, successful, caring, ambitious and loving.  Friends who build me up instead of bring me down and these are the only type of relationships anyone should have in their lives if they want to be truly happy.

Friendship isn’t meant to be hard work.  The healthiest relationships are with the people who are there for who you no matter how often you see them.  The friendships you don’t question and that make you feel good about yourself.

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